Passion Pit

Maybe I watch too many romantic comedies or something, but sometimes I just want my life to play out like a movie. Because right now I'm stuck in the part of the show where everything goes to shit, but I'm not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. There isn't some sudden twist where the man of my dreams end up proclaiming his love for me.

If I've learned anything over the years, it's that the best kind of love is a passionate one. Passion is a powerful and compelling emotion. So strong that it just overwhelms you. But it's not that kind of overwhelmed where you're so stressed out that you can't deal with shit anymore, it's a good kind of being overwhelmed. You can feel it all over, from head to toe. After you've had a passionate love, it's hard to settle for anything less.

So basically this is my declaration. I'm no longer willing to settle for less than I deserve. I deserve passion, romance, excitement, someone who'll make me laugh, someone that will listen to my endless rants and think it's cute rather than annoying. I just want to be so overwhelmed with love that I'll never think it could end. It's a lot to ask for, but I know it's possible. And knowing that makes it hard to deal with anything less than what I want.

Spring Cleaning

I'm not a huge fan of cleaning, although I will admit at times I'll get this big burst of cleaning energy. And that's exactly what just happened. I spent the past two hours cleaning my apartment kitchen, living room, dining room and bathroom. But for some odd reason, I can never have these huge bursts of cleaning energy and focus it on my room. I'm a very messy person, when it comes to my living spaces, and this time it's gotten WAY out of control. I literally can't find any clothes anymore, it's all just become one big shamble of a place. And don't even get me started on my closet. That is the place where I throw things to make my room look cleaner. I have a problem, and someone needs to come help me shovel all of this crap out of my room!! Seriously, this is me begging for help!!! I just want a clean room :/ Wah wah wahhhhh...

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Little Miss Do Your Best

Well I figured I might get back on track to the "theme" of my blog. The subject for today, Little Miss Do Your Best. In high school I always tried to do my very best, no matter what it was, academics, sports, extra curriculars. I never drank or partied in high school, as hard as that is to believe. But everything I did while I was a teenager was to get into a good school, so I could have the best life that was possible for me.

But ever since getting into school and whatnot, I find it very hard to focus on school and put in my very best effort. I feel like I've been in school for years and it's finally setting in that I should be done soon, but I am nowhere near finishing. I'm a junior in college, undeclared major, with a part time job at Caribou Coffee. I've seen plenty of classmates drop out of school and just stick with part time jobs, and I'd hate to do that. But at this point I'd rather work than be in school. It's just really hard when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Anyways, I'll try to end on a more positive note! I do put in my very best efforts to the things that mean the most to me, my job and my relationships. I try do be the best rolemodel at work. Although I will admit that sometimes I have those days where I just don't give a shit and want to goof off. But hey, I'm 20, give me a break! Relationships are the things that I try my hardest at. There is nothing that I take more seriously. I put in a lot of effort to keep up my relationships with people, and I expect them to put in the same amount. It's not hard to send a quick text, or grab dinner with someone once a month. Basically I'm saying, if everyone put in their best efforts, then we wouldn't have all of the drama, the confusion, the pain. We could all be happy and ride unicorns on the rainbow roads! Okay, totally shitting you, but it would make things better, in my opinion.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

On the Outside Looking In

"Being too scared to even try-that's just a waste. I can say I made a lot of mistakes, but I don't regret things. Because at least I didn't spend a life standing outside, wondering what living would be like. " -Sarah Dessen

Sometimes this quote applies to me and sometimes I feel like I'm one of the outsiders. Lately I've just been feeling frustrated with life. School is school and seems to be going nowhere at this point. I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel whatsoever. I hang out with friends every now and then, but I feel like my life could be more entertaining, more spur of the moment. The only problem with that idea is the fact that I like my days planned out. I like having a schedule to follow, being at a certain place, at a certain time, to do a certain activity. I've never been one for the adventurous activities like skydiving, or bungee or even skiing for that matter (I've snowboarded, not well, but skiing just bothers me for some reason). 

Then if we move on to the whole boy situation, it gets even more depressing. I have not been in an official relationship since the summer after I graduated high school. That was about 3 years ago. Since then, I have lost all hope in finding a man to spend my time with. The past two years I've accepted this fact, and even been very okay with it. But now, I feel more and more lonely every single day. It's not like I want to find a man, settle down and start having kids. I just think it'd be a nice change to hang out with a guy for once and get to do fun, flirty stuff! I want to go out on dates, be complimented, basically I just want to be loved. And honestly, who doesn't?!?! Nobody should be scared to love, or be loved for that matter! I haven't been able to trust people for quite some time now, but for once I just want someone who doesn't give me all of the bullshit. I want someone that just wants to spend time with me. I want someone to love me. But at the same time, I'm scared of the future, and cannot think about settling down anytime soon. It literally scares the shit out of me. I want someone to make things uncomplicated. I want a distraction from the shit state that life is. 

I'm not scared of risking things. I think it's a little ridiculous for someone to be scared of things happening. Just because there may be a chance that something will go wrong, does not mean that you shouldn't pursue it. It's the fact that something so great could come out of that opportunity. That's the reason why you should risk things. When you look back on your life, you're going to think about all of the good memories you made. But most of all, you're going to look back on all the chances you didn't take, and all of the things you wish you would've done instead. So instead of having to look back on your life and be sad about what you didn't do, try actually doing something for once. Every scenario has it's negatives, but the positives are why you take those risks!

Don't be an outsider looking in on life. Be the one on the inside, living life to it's fullest! (I know easier said than done. But c'mon, spice up your life!!)

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Putting on a New Attitude

Okay, so for my Creative Problem Solving class I have to wear something different. They showed examples in class of what past people have done. They ranged from outfits out of tissue paper, dressing up as your mom's table, a cast outfit (she literally made herself a cast and had people sign her), etc. So since a lot of those ideas involved wearing strange objects, I decided to go with something different. I wanted to wear a whole different attitude, and take on a whole new persona. I've done cowgirl, hipster, glam, prep, lumberjack, and probably a couple more. But something that I have not even thought about attempting was the whole goth look. I, as well as a whole lot of other people out there (or at least I'm assuming), assumed that the main thing with goth was to wear all black from head to toe. But I ended up researching it a little bit, or at least searching on the internet for what I could and found out that the goth look is so much more than just dressing in black. It's all about romanticism and deep feelings. So there is more to it than just black! You can do deep colors like blood red or a deep violet. Just researching the whole thing made me think about stereotypes and how we judge people in an instant. It's human nature, we've all grown up doing it. You just have to take a step back sometimes and remember that just because you think someone looks a certain way, doesn't mean that they are in fact the person that you perceive them to be. You never truly know someone, unless you talk to them and get to know them. Like this one girl that works at Hot Topic in the same mall that I work at. She comes over occasionally to get coffee, but not once have I actually talked to her, or like asked her name. She's got bright pink hair and looks like a punk rocker chick, which would explain the whole Hot Topic thing. But I went in there to get a few things for my goth look, and she was really nice and helpful. Kind of made me regret not trying to get to know her after all of these months working at the coffee shop. I also think it's strange how a project like this can get you thinking about all this stuff. Well wish me luck, because today I shall put on the dress of a "princess" goth, and hopefully be wearing a completely new attitude!

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Honestly People...

Lately I've been thinking about all the times people lie. I am in no way saying that I don't lie. Everyone lies. It just depends who, what and why you're lying. Since high school I've grown into the kind of person that stands up for herself, and doesn't take a lot of shit. I do let some things slide because I'm not going to be a petty little bitch all the time. But if I find it to be an issue worth fighting for, I WILL let you know.

Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. -Thoreau

I'm sick and tired of having people lie straight to my face. And what's even worse, is that I can tell when you are lying (most of the time anyways). I'm almost 21 years old, I'm a big girl and I can handle the truth. I don't care if you think a lie will make me feel better. Chances are that I will eventually find out the truth. Then I'll just be hurt by the fact that you didn't feel that I was worth telling the truth. In all honesty, I have trust issues and I only completely trust a couple people in my life (and these people are mostly my immediate family members). It's the fact that all of these other people in my life have given me reasons not to trust. It's silly things like saying that you'll text me later, even when you never intend on doing it. Or making plans to hang out, and then coming up with some lame excuse as to why you can't make it or somehow forgot. It's alright! If you don't want to text me later, DON'T say that you will. Then I won't be bothered by it, and I really won't have a reason for it to bother me. If you don't want to hang out with me, then DON'T make plans. Because we both know that you're just going to bail on them anyways. 

I'm a pretty understanding person; I feel like a lot of people don't know this fact about me. If you just be honest with me, I will most likely understand your situation and not be mad. But if you lie to me, I will somehow find out the truth, sooner or later. I'm like a detective, I've got skills that most don't. So if you are going to lie to me, you better make it one hell of a story and hope that I can't dig up all of the pieces! But your safer bet is to just tell me the truth. It'll make everyone feel better. Trust me. 

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Bazumbas!!

Alright, so after being on a blogger hiatus for about a month I figured I should get back in the game. What better way to start blogging again, than to talk about BOOBS!! Okay, I'm straight, but I definitely appreciate a nice pair of tits. My favorite pair: my own :) I have fairly decent sized boobs (thank you mama!), and I know how to use them. It's amazing how these things can be used to get what you want! Oh the things that I have gotten just for having a nice rack. I normally don't tell women to use their lady business and looks to get what they want, but using your lovely lady lumps is a fool proof way of getting what you want. You all should check out a video by Jenna Marbles, I believe it's called Titty Tricks. Even if you don't have very big boobs, you can definitely create the illusion that you do! And then you as well can get what you want from men! So go forth my lovely lady friends, share your beautiful curves with the world!! ;)

Itching For Ink

So like most 18 year old kids, I got a tattoo shortly after my 18th birthday. Smoking wasn't really my thing, so I thought I'd try something I might actually like. A couple (painful) hours later, I ended up with a permanent scar. I got an outline of a heart with the word "Dream" written next to it. I danced for 12 years at a studio back home, so it was my main passion, hobby, love, etc. "Dream" was the title of the song for my senior solo that I performed at my final recitals. It's pretty much the last time I danced hardcore, and every time I think of it I have mixed emotions of sadness and happiness. Did I forget to mention that I got this tattoo on my left ribs. If you've never gotten a tattoo before, putting your first one where there are lots of bones is not the best idea. It hurt like a bitch! I wanted to pull my hair out, dig my nails deep into my palms, but I did NOT cry. That was my goal, no matter how much it hurt, I was NOT going to cry! Ever since then, I've been craving new ink. It is an addiction. And the worst part is that I cannot for the life of me remember what it felt like to be tattooed! I think that is the part that scares me the most. I've had several ideas floating around in my head about what I'd like to get done next. The only thing that stands in my way is money, time and commitment. I've always wanted to add onto the tattoo I already have cause it's so bare, and just an outline. I was thinking of possibly having some Pointe shoes dangling from the heart, in order to keep in with the dance theme. I've also wanted to get words written on my arm somewhere. "Who You Are" It's just a song (by Jessie J) and phrase that I want and try to live by every day, and I think permanently etching it into my skin would remind me of my goal. My best friend, Jake, and I have always loved peacock feathers. I mean, who doesn't? Peacocks are beautiful majestic creatures. So I kind of want to get a peacock feather to symbolize my friendship, and they always remind me of my grandparents out in Montana. They always have peacocks just hanging around the ranch.

These are just a few peacock feather tattoos that I've found online that I like. I'm a big fan of color and these are my favorite colors all in one place.

And since I'm such a sucker for symbolism and whatnot, I've been thinking of getting the sign for faith, charity and hope. Which is a combination of a cross, heart and anchor. 

It'd be something like this, but with a WAY cooler anchor! I really like the old antiquey look of some anchor tattoos. So these are just some things that have been on my mind lately, plus I could go for a little self inflicted pain right about now.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

The One That Got Away

Lately I've been listening to a lot of down home country, and one of those artists is Jake Owen. He's got a song called "The One That Got Away."

She was the one that got away

The one that wrecked my heart

I should've never let her go

I should've begged her to stay

She was the one that got away

I've decided that I haven't had a guy that's been "the one that got away." So I'm going to keep it that way. If anything, I'm going to be the girl that got away. One day they'll look back and see what they missed out on. I don't mean to sound cocky or full of myself, if anything it's confidence. I know that I'm beautiful, smart, funny and creative. I have learned to know my strengths, good traits, and the bad. Everyone should know all of the good things about themselves and embrace them! People nowadays seem to focus on all of the bad things about themselves. How they look, what they can't do, all of the negative things that could possibly go wrong. Why? Why focus on the bad things? Why would you want to bring yourself down? I've been trying to live my life differently lately. I'm trying to have a positive outlook on life, trying to see the good in everything. Instead of picking on all of the negative aspects about myself, I just see myself as a beautiful woman. Like Jessie J says in her song "Who You Are": I stare at my reflection in the mirror, Why am I doing this to myself? Losing my mind on a tiny error, I nearly left the real me on the shelf. Believe in yourself, you are beautiful in every single way, you just need to see what other people can. There are a lot of people out there with ugly souls, only caring about themselves and trying to get ahead in life. Live your life differently, be beautiful inside and out. Be the one that got away, don't worry, someday he'll regret his decision. And you'll be living your own love song with someone that deserves you. :)

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

God Gave Me You

"God Gave Me You" is a great song by Blake Shelton. Now most people would consider the person he's talking about to be a lover, but whenever I hear this song, I think of my sister.

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

And for when I think I lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it's true

God gave me you

I vaguely remember the day my sister was born, I was 2 (almost 3) and I came with my grandparents. That is literally all I remember of that day, but hey, I consider that a pretty good memory for being about 18 years old! I would only assume that I would've had mixed emotions about this brand new baby: Yay I got a little baby sister, WTF why isn't the attention on me anymore, who the crap is this kid, etc. Little did I know, that was one of the most awesome days of my life. I got to play the role of the older sister, getting her to do things she shouldn't/normally wouldn't, getting her in trouble, hugging and kissing her when the moment was right (usually when a camera was around!). When we were younger, we always used to fight. It wasn't until around my senior year/the summer after that we got to be really close. All I can say is that I wish this would've happened sooner, because she is AMAZING, and I love her so so soooooo much!!! I honestly didn't even know her very well until that point. It's a wonder what can be hidden behind closed doors. 

She is my rock, my inspiration, my everything. When I have news, or troubles, I go to her. I can tell her anything and everything and know that she will not judge me like everyone else would. She will love me unconditionally. She has been through many tough times so far. She's had a crazy ex boyfriend, she (to this very day) gets made fun of and teased at school, and dealt with many internal problems that most teenage girls face. But what makes me so proud of her is that she's been able to hold her head high through everything, giving a silent (and sometimes not so silent) fuck you to the people making their judgments. She is gorgeous, she is athletic (most likely playing college volleyball next year), she is smart, she is funny (in the way that she can laugh at herself, which just makes you love her more), and she has the biggest heart of anyone that I know! **So I'd just like to add a little side note to any and everyone that has ever had shit to say about her: you may know her name, but you sure as hell don't know her. If you did, you wouldn't be talking shit. Seriously, that bullshit is for petty middle schoolers with no lives. Grow up. She's going to go on to accomplish great things, and karma is going to come back and kick you right in the testicles.**

She may be my sister, but she's the best sister that I could've ever asked for! She's a friend, therapist, and comedian all in one. I honestly do not know what I would do without her. Life would suck more balls than it currently does (and that's pretty shitty giving my 2011 could possibly be the WORST YEAR EVER). I just want her to know how amazing she is!!! If I could, I'd scream it on the rooftops: MORGAN CHRISTINE PERRY IS ONE OF THE BEST FUCKING PEOPLE OUT THERE AND EVERYONE SHOULD LOVE HER!!!! LOVE HER LONG TIME!!! She will be turning 18 in less than a month, and that scares the crap out of me (can't imagine how my parents feel)! I remember when she used to play dress up with me, we even did a few make up sessions (which did NOT turn out well, mother should've known better than to let us have make up). I remember her little "fangs" that she used to have to wear. I remember her first Homecoming (my last). I remember her first boyfriend (thank God he's gone...sorry haha). I remember her getting her license (still holding the fact that she passed the first time over my head). I've missed a lot over the past years here at college, but that doesn't mean that it didn't crush me to miss it. But I was definitely there in spirit!! I'll always be your personal cheerleader (but remember, the only cheerleader I would ever be is a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, otherwise lets just call it a spirit motivator)!!

So Morgan, whenever you are doubting your abilities to do things or deal with things, just know that I believe in you. I believe that you can do anything you set your mind to! You have the capability to change the world and you don't even know it. Don't let anyone make you think you are anything less than what you are, which is spectacular! I love you so much!! I wish nothing more than to see you happy, in EVERYTHING you do. Never doubt yourself. (Also, I'm not the favorite. I guess it's a "tie", Mom even said so.) God gave me you :)

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride

I find it extremely odd that I obsess about everything to do with weddings, yet I absolutely cannot picture myself getting married. Don't get me wrong, I can tell you exactly what my wedding will look like, but at this point there is no groom in the picture. I've dabbled in several areas of the industry from apparel to floral design to cake making, and I've always told myself that if I were somehow involved in this industry, I would live a happy life. I would actually look forward to going to my job every single day because it was about a subject that intrigues me. But you can't exactly major in "weddings." IF ONLY! Last year I was an apparel design major, and my main goal was to become a bridal designer. I (and several other people) thought that would be the perfect career option for me. I could be as creative as I wanted, use my immense sewing skills, and be part of every bride's big day (the most important part in my opinion). My cousin and I have always wanted to make cakes, so we finally experimented with fondant and made this pretty baby blue fondant, chocolate cake. It was DELICIOUS!!! The fondant was marshmallow flavored and the cake was fantastic! We also made a cute little bow out of the fondant! And finally, I've been taking a floral class this semester. It all started out pretty awesome, getting to make and take floral arrangements home every week. But now it's just becoming a hassle to go to class and carry everything on the bus. The part of class I did enjoy was anything that had to do with making stuff for proms or weddings. All of the intricate work with wiring, taping and perfect placement, I just absolutely loved it! It's things like that, that make me feel like I belong in the wedding industry! Right now I'm seriously considering Retail Merchandising as a major, mostly because it'll get me out of this place in about 2 years rather than 4, but also because it's a business fashion degree that I can work with! It's also a little bit because one of my dream jobs would be to work at Kleinfeld's in New York!!!! So anyways, that was a little background on my interest in the industry.

I have my wedding all planned out, as crazy as it sounds. But you don't become a severe wedding enthusiast without picturing what your wedding will look like! I've got everything from the dress, flowers, bridesmaids dresses, decor, etc picked out (or at least visualized in my head). I get so excited when I think about weddings and that two people are joining in a union, such a sacred union. It's really beautiful to think about. Two people have found each other, they've made it through all of the obstacles and are still willing to put up with each other for the rest of their lives. Right now I'd just be thinking BALL AND FRIGGIN' CHAIN MAN!! (Anyone catch the She's the Man reference there?) I'm just not ready to be "tied down" to someone right now. I've realized there are so many things that I want to do with my life, travel, live in different states, see so many different things, that I'd just be dragging someone along with me while I realized all of my dreams. But I would appreciate it if many of my friends would start getting married so I can be in weddings, go to weddings, help plan weddings!!! JUST FULFILL MY WEDDING DREAMS ALREADY! But until the day that I say "I do" I'll just be enjoying my life, hopefully spreading joy to other people and their dreams.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Setting Your Own Expectations

Lately I've realized that I need to stop trying to be the person everyone else thinks I should be. All my life I've tried to do the very best, I've tried to accomplish it all, I just wanted to make people proud of me. At the time, these people were my parents, grandparents, family members. To this day, I try to make my parents proud, making decisions and doing things that they can feel proud to tell other people. I was hanging out with my parents and some of my parents friends one night and my mom's friend told me that my mother never has anything bad to say about me. I had mixed feelings about this. In a way, I'm glad that my mom is proud of me, but at the same time I feel like I should have disappointed them at some point. Now if I screw up, it's going to be harder to deal with. Cause I'm the good child, I get good grades, I attend the University of Minnesota, I rarely drink, I work in my spare time, it would be unspeakable for me to do anything out of the ordinary. I'm 20 years old, and I'm still worried about what my parents think about me and what they think I should be doing with my life. I depend on them to reassure me that I'm doing what I should do, that I'm living my life right. Part of me would love to be completely independent of my parents, but another part of me knows that I should lean on them as long as it's possible. One day they will let me go on my own, then I'll be completely in charge, making every decision for myself, but until then I just need to slowly work at gaining my independence. I have a job that I found myself, worked hard at, and eventually got promoted. My parents would prefer that I don't have a job while in school, but the extra money helps and I'm also learning valuable life lessons. I'm a shift supervisor at a Caribou Coffee, I'm learning more and more about independence, doing things on my own and realizing that I can actually do things by myself. That and the fact that I must be doing something right, cause they haven't fired me yet! I love my parents soooo much, and I appreciate everything that they do for me, but it's getting to the point of where I'm going to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life. I keep telling my mom that I don't want to be "stuck" here. She didn't like it so much when I used the word stuck. But that's exactly how I feel. If I were to get a job (an actual career) here, or even find someone that I liked, I wouldn't get to travel or live in different places like I plan on doing as of now. I want to move down south, travel the country, heck I'd love to even leave the states for awhile!! Which brings me to the second half of my "setting your own expectations" schpeel.

I am literally scared to death of finding someone that I might actually like, let alone someone that would like me back. I haven't been in a relationship in a very long time, I have absolutely no clue how to even go on a date, or act around guys at all. I've mostly been strung up on my ex. We broke up for obvious reasons, but I keep getting hung up on the "what if" and "what could've been." It's so hard to picture yourself in someones life, in someones future, and then realize that you will never be in that vision at all. We've been playing this game where we won't talk to each other for months, and then we'll start talking again. Then we'll see each other, have a good time, and then go back to not talking. At this point, that is the kind of "relationship" that I can handle. One that doesn't really exist. Although I'm having such a hard time with this idea. The idea that someone can be attracted to me, enjoy my company, but not want anything more than the occasional hang out. It makes me question everything. Am I not pretty enough? Am I not smart enough? Am I not funny enough? Am I not thin enough? Why am I not enough for him to actually want to be with me?! Recently I've come to the conclusion that I can't do this to myself. I am enough. I am more than enough. Hell, he will not find a girl that is a package quite like me: beautiful, smart, talented, bodacious. He is the one that isn't willing to realize his feelings, and he is the one that is willing to let me just walk out the door every single time. If he is stupid enough to let me go, then I have to be smart enough not to go back. I will find Mr. Right someday, but when that day comes, I'm not going to be worrying about being enough for him. I'm just gonna focus on being myself, and just letting myself laugh, love and live!

You have to learn to love yourself before anyone can learn to love you. You can't go around living life on someone elses expectations. You have to set your own goals, and figure out what exactly you're wanting out of life. Right now I'm not worrying about anyone else besides myself. Yes, might be a little selfish, but I can't help other people until I help myself. Once I get my stuff figured out, then I can go around sharing the love and joy that is inside me. :) Just remember, you ARE enough. Even when you don't think so, I KNOW so.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Hopeless Romantic...Looking For Some Hope

I had an epiphany while I was just in the shower! I know, kind of strange place to have an epiphany...but it happened anyways. I always listen to music/sing while I'm in the shower. And lately I've been listening to this playlist of songs that are slow/sad/beautifully happy. Well anyways, they make you think. So I came to this realization that I'm ONLY 20 years old (that's right, my life isn't even a quarter over yet) and there is no reason why I should feel rushed to find this magical, fairytale-like love. In the meantime, I'm going to find people that have the kind of love that I'd like to find. I want to know their story. How they met, what made them fall in love, how they knew that this was the person that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with, etc. I want to record this information, heck maybe even make a book out of it one day. But I'll just take it one step at a time, see how this thing turns out. Even though I'm not in love, or have I ever had the kind of love that I want to find one day, it brings so much joy to my heart to see two people that do. I love to see other people in love, mostly because it gives me hope that one day I'll find someone that will make me feel that way. So if anyone knows of any couples out there that fit this sort of love, send them my way, cause I'd like to know their story!!

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye

I'm pretty sure that sex is on girls minds, just as much (if not more) as it is on guys minds. Honestly, I think about it a lot. And it also tends to be the topic of many conversations between my friends and I. I believe that sex can just be sex, just an act between two people satisfying a carnal need. But at the same time, I believe that sex can be this beautiful scene between two people, so passionately in love with each other. I've had it both ways, and honestly the second way is the best way. I keep running back to my ex, for sex, to be wanted, to be needed, to just share what we both had at one time. I do still have feelings for him, but I've realized until we both are willing to accept how we feel about each other, and until we're both willing to make adjustments and sacrifices for each other, we will never work out. But the one thing we knew how to do was "make love." As corny as that sounds!! I've been listening to Luke Bryan a lot lately and there is this one song that fits my situation perfectly, "Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye". 

All we do right is make love
We both know now that ain’t enough
Ain’t gonna beg you to stay
Ain't gotta ask you what's wrong
Ain’t no reason running after something already gone
Take off your leavin' dress
Let’s do what we do best
I guess everybody’s got their way of moving on
Girl rest your head one more time in my bed
Love me like you loved me when you loved me
And you didn’t have to try
Let’s lay down tonight
And kiss tomorrow goodbye

 

We can't talk our feelings out, so we just act on how we feel. And we've been doing this for about 3 years now, but I'm not sure I can do it much longer. I can't be the only one showing my emotions, I can't be the only one trying to share some love. All a girl really wants is to be loved back, and that's the truth. Which is why I've gone to other people, trying to get some attention, trying to get a little love. But all I ended up with was a little lovin ;) Not that it was a horrible situation, just not exactly what I want. 

 

My sister keeps telling me that I need to open up and keep an open mind when it comes to guys. I need to take away all of my standards and expectations, cause that may be holding me back from someone that could be right in front of me. I understand this, but at the same time I'm too scared to open up and let myself be vulnerable to someone like that. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to cry anymore. But I am trying...I'm trying to not be so closed off to people. I just think it all had to start with letting someone else go. You can't always get things to work out how you want them to. But that's the beauty of life, whenever something doesn't work out, life twists and turns and creates a whole new situation. One that may be better than you ever could've expected. So right now I'm just going to try to go with the flow and wait for my better ending. 

 

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are 

Sleepless Nights

Ever had those nights where you just can't seem to get to sleep? Or maybe you were finally getting to sleep and someone woke you up. Well tonight is just one of those nights where I had a hard time getting to sleep, so I put a little music on to try and lull myself to sleep. It worked. Temporarily. My heart was racing, my mind just wouldn't shut off, but music seems to have a positive effect on my sleep habits. Until I was so rudely awakened. Now I lie in my bed, with only 3 and a half more hours left to sleep, and I'm wide awake. They say don't go to bed angry, well I won't be able to sleep all night, cause I'm fucking angry. Pissed off, annoyed, hurt. Even when you think that one person will always be there for you no matter what, don't believe it. Something is going to fuck it up eventually. They'll screw up. You'll screw up. Some bitch will come in and screw it up. Might as well get used being alone and on your own, cause nobody is going to be there for you but yourself.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Keepin' It Country

I come from a small town of around 1,700 people. So I'm used to everyone knowing everyone, the countryside views, actually being able to see the stars at night, and small town gossip. I liked growing up in a small town, cause it was nice living in a close-knit community. It also makes me appreciate my family and all the opportunities that they have provided for me. I've been able to play whatever sport I wanted to play, be in whatever club I wanted to participate in. I danced at a studio for about 12 years, not something that you think a small town would have! I even became the Queen of our town, Miss Osseo 2007 :) I've been able to travel and see different communities, states (still working on the countries thing though). All of these things were made possible because of my parents and grandparents, etc.

I tend to daydream a lot. Mostly about different scenarios, and what sort of future I could possibly have. One thought that I think about sometimes is where I'm going to end up settling down. Will I end up in a big city, suburb, small town? And then I think about how I was raised...I think that raising a family in either a small town or suburb is a great idea. It's just the fact that I'm not going to be the only one to worry about my child. In a smaller community, it definitely is a community effort in raising kids. Everyone cares about other peoples well being. I want to be able to have kids knowing that my community is going to care what happens to them. A community that wants them to succeed and do well in their endeavors. Plus I've also pictured my perfect home quite a few times. Similar to The Notebook's final house, a house on the water, with a wrap around porch, but I'd like it to be really homey and decorated with all of those cheesy quote signs everywhere. Somewhere I can cuddle up on the porch swing with my husband, staring at the stars, while our kids are all safe and tucked in bed. So in conclusion, I want my life to be like a sappy romance movie. A girl can dream, dream as big as her heart and mind let her!

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Dear John

So I just got done watching Dear John, cause I'm a sappy McSappypants, and for like 75% of the movie I'm smiling and doing the little "AWWWWW's," then for the other 25% I'm thinking "Hey Savannah, why are you such a FUCKTARD!?" Like I understand it a little, but for the most part, why would you put your own happiness to the side, and ruin some guy's life, just to help out a sick friend with a kid?! How about you DON'T marry that other guy, but you still help him out and then take care of the kid later? That way, you and John can live happily ever after from the start! Then again, it wouldn't be a true romance if somebody didn't get their heart broken a few times along the way. Isn't that how it always goes? So in order to get my happily ever after I'm going to have to have my heart broken repeatedly until somebody comes to save me from it? Sounds like a whole lot of work just to find my Prince Charming.

Anyways, for the other 75% of the movie I was just thinking, "Hey, it sure would be nice to find somebody that loved me that much." I would like to love again, even better, I would like to be loved again. Always having this person on your mind. Putting a smile on your face every time you think of them (even without you knowing, those are the BEST ones!). Someone who notices the little things you do or say. Someone who you fall asleep with every night, holding you close, never wanting to let go (Although I'm not so much a cuddly sleeper. I like to cuddle, just not while I sleep). Someone who can kiss you so deeply and passionately at times that the whole world stops, yet at the same time they can just give you a few quick smooches and still make your heart flutter. I want the romance, the connection, and faith in knowing that this person will not want to leave my side, because they LOVE ME BACK. Somehow, someday, I'll find my John.

P.S. "Paperweight" by Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk is a great song from the movie!!!

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Numb. Scared. Empty.

So lately I have been feeling so much pain, that I've just become numb to everything. I can't get mad, sad, happy, excited. I just don't feel anymore. I would really like to be genuinely happy for once in my life. The last time I can remember that I was genuinely happy was back in April. I got a special visit from someone that is near and dear to my heart. Just a text from him would make me instantly smile.

At the same time, I've been screwed over by so many guys that it's hard for me to trust any of them. I know I should be more open, but it's just difficult once you've put your heart out there and it gets stomped on time and time again. I'm more scared to have an actual relationship. I haven't been in a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in over 2 years. I'm not sure I'd even know how to be a girlfriend. I'm really independent, so it's more difficult for me to think of this other person 24/7. I just want someone that shares the same need for passion. I need to feel wanted, loved, appreciated. I'm not asking for a lot. But I am asking for a little time and understanding.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Little Miss I'll Take Less

When I always give so much more....

I've always been one of those people that likes to give everything they have. I was taught to love and share. Sometimes I'm just too nice, or I hold on a tad too much. Is it so bad to want to be loved or have feelings/actions reciprocated? I'm the girl that will always be there for you in a jam. I'm the one that will sneak out of her house at 4am just to come get you. I'm the one that will put her feelings aside and help you out talking to another girl (that one is just because I'm stupid). I'm the one that will carve time out of my busy schedule just to see you, just to get stood up in the end. I'm the one that constantly thinks about you, just hoping that maybe I'm on your mind.

I think loyalty, trustworthiness, kindness are just a few traits that I look for in friends and guys. I consider myself a decent human being. I will be more than willing to help a person out. Lately I feel like I've been taken advantage of by several different people. I just want to be appreciated. I'm not saying that every time I do something good I get a gold medal or anything. It would just be nice to hear a simple thank you, or I love you, or you really mean a lot to me, every now and then. Cause one day I'm not going to be there. When I grow some balls, I won't be there every second, of every day just at your disposal. If I don't feel that you are reciprocating any effort into our relationship, there is a very good chance that I'll make a change. A change that excludes you from my life. I'm sick of taking less. I deserve more. Or at least I think I deserve more. I've had a difficult time with not feeling like enough. Not pretty enough. Not funny enough. Not smart enough. Not skinny enough. Not entertaining enough. I've just felt like I don't deserve to live a happily ever after life.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Footprints On The Heart

Do you ever have those people that seem to make a difference in your life? It could be good or bad. But for some reason, you want to keep the ones that keep hurting you? I've had a couple of these before, but none as hard to get away from than the one with my ex. I've grown strong throughout the past few years, so I can let go of someone if I can see that they are just using my relationship to their advantage, or just talking to me when it's convenient for them. For some reason, I just cannot let this boy go! We technically dated for about 3-4 months, but we've been doing this "dance" for the past 3 years. We will go months without talking and then all of a sudden I'll get a text from him because he was reminded of me. And then I'll text him randomly because I heard a song we used to like. It's mainly confusing because every time we leave each other (after hanging out), we leave it on very vague terms. Like we aren't together, but we can still talk to each other and do stuff together, it just won't be for awhile. I guess you could say that we've built a friendship, but does that really work? Can exes really be friends with each other afterward? But even some of the stuff that is sent back and forth, it's like flirty, not just any normal friend texting. I don't know, I guess this relationship just confuses me more than anything else. Sometimes I daydream about the past, or the could have been. But then I remember the reasons why he irritates me, and why we aren't together. It's a lose-lose thought process and I'm not sure why I do it. But I can't help it. I loved him dearly, and honestly I still care about him.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are