Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye

I'm pretty sure that sex is on girls minds, just as much (if not more) as it is on guys minds. Honestly, I think about it a lot. And it also tends to be the topic of many conversations between my friends and I. I believe that sex can just be sex, just an act between two people satisfying a carnal need. But at the same time, I believe that sex can be this beautiful scene between two people, so passionately in love with each other. I've had it both ways, and honestly the second way is the best way. I keep running back to my ex, for sex, to be wanted, to be needed, to just share what we both had at one time. I do still have feelings for him, but I've realized until we both are willing to accept how we feel about each other, and until we're both willing to make adjustments and sacrifices for each other, we will never work out. But the one thing we knew how to do was "make love." As corny as that sounds!! I've been listening to Luke Bryan a lot lately and there is this one song that fits my situation perfectly, "Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye". 

All we do right is make love
We both know now that ain’t enough
Ain’t gonna beg you to stay
Ain't gotta ask you what's wrong
Ain’t no reason running after something already gone
Take off your leavin' dress
Let’s do what we do best
I guess everybody’s got their way of moving on
Girl rest your head one more time in my bed
Love me like you loved me when you loved me
And you didn’t have to try
Let’s lay down tonight
And kiss tomorrow goodbye

 

We can't talk our feelings out, so we just act on how we feel. And we've been doing this for about 3 years now, but I'm not sure I can do it much longer. I can't be the only one showing my emotions, I can't be the only one trying to share some love. All a girl really wants is to be loved back, and that's the truth. Which is why I've gone to other people, trying to get some attention, trying to get a little love. But all I ended up with was a little lovin ;) Not that it was a horrible situation, just not exactly what I want. 

 

My sister keeps telling me that I need to open up and keep an open mind when it comes to guys. I need to take away all of my standards and expectations, cause that may be holding me back from someone that could be right in front of me. I understand this, but at the same time I'm too scared to open up and let myself be vulnerable to someone like that. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to cry anymore. But I am trying...I'm trying to not be so closed off to people. I just think it all had to start with letting someone else go. You can't always get things to work out how you want them to. But that's the beauty of life, whenever something doesn't work out, life twists and turns and creates a whole new situation. One that may be better than you ever could've expected. So right now I'm just going to try to go with the flow and wait for my better ending. 

 

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are 

Sleepless Nights

Ever had those nights where you just can't seem to get to sleep? Or maybe you were finally getting to sleep and someone woke you up. Well tonight is just one of those nights where I had a hard time getting to sleep, so I put a little music on to try and lull myself to sleep. It worked. Temporarily. My heart was racing, my mind just wouldn't shut off, but music seems to have a positive effect on my sleep habits. Until I was so rudely awakened. Now I lie in my bed, with only 3 and a half more hours left to sleep, and I'm wide awake. They say don't go to bed angry, well I won't be able to sleep all night, cause I'm fucking angry. Pissed off, annoyed, hurt. Even when you think that one person will always be there for you no matter what, don't believe it. Something is going to fuck it up eventually. They'll screw up. You'll screw up. Some bitch will come in and screw it up. Might as well get used being alone and on your own, cause nobody is going to be there for you but yourself.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Keepin' It Country

I come from a small town of around 1,700 people. So I'm used to everyone knowing everyone, the countryside views, actually being able to see the stars at night, and small town gossip. I liked growing up in a small town, cause it was nice living in a close-knit community. It also makes me appreciate my family and all the opportunities that they have provided for me. I've been able to play whatever sport I wanted to play, be in whatever club I wanted to participate in. I danced at a studio for about 12 years, not something that you think a small town would have! I even became the Queen of our town, Miss Osseo 2007 :) I've been able to travel and see different communities, states (still working on the countries thing though). All of these things were made possible because of my parents and grandparents, etc.

I tend to daydream a lot. Mostly about different scenarios, and what sort of future I could possibly have. One thought that I think about sometimes is where I'm going to end up settling down. Will I end up in a big city, suburb, small town? And then I think about how I was raised...I think that raising a family in either a small town or suburb is a great idea. It's just the fact that I'm not going to be the only one to worry about my child. In a smaller community, it definitely is a community effort in raising kids. Everyone cares about other peoples well being. I want to be able to have kids knowing that my community is going to care what happens to them. A community that wants them to succeed and do well in their endeavors. Plus I've also pictured my perfect home quite a few times. Similar to The Notebook's final house, a house on the water, with a wrap around porch, but I'd like it to be really homey and decorated with all of those cheesy quote signs everywhere. Somewhere I can cuddle up on the porch swing with my husband, staring at the stars, while our kids are all safe and tucked in bed. So in conclusion, I want my life to be like a sappy romance movie. A girl can dream, dream as big as her heart and mind let her!

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Dear John

So I just got done watching Dear John, cause I'm a sappy McSappypants, and for like 75% of the movie I'm smiling and doing the little "AWWWWW's," then for the other 25% I'm thinking "Hey Savannah, why are you such a FUCKTARD!?" Like I understand it a little, but for the most part, why would you put your own happiness to the side, and ruin some guy's life, just to help out a sick friend with a kid?! How about you DON'T marry that other guy, but you still help him out and then take care of the kid later? That way, you and John can live happily ever after from the start! Then again, it wouldn't be a true romance if somebody didn't get their heart broken a few times along the way. Isn't that how it always goes? So in order to get my happily ever after I'm going to have to have my heart broken repeatedly until somebody comes to save me from it? Sounds like a whole lot of work just to find my Prince Charming.

Anyways, for the other 75% of the movie I was just thinking, "Hey, it sure would be nice to find somebody that loved me that much." I would like to love again, even better, I would like to be loved again. Always having this person on your mind. Putting a smile on your face every time you think of them (even without you knowing, those are the BEST ones!). Someone who notices the little things you do or say. Someone who you fall asleep with every night, holding you close, never wanting to let go (Although I'm not so much a cuddly sleeper. I like to cuddle, just not while I sleep). Someone who can kiss you so deeply and passionately at times that the whole world stops, yet at the same time they can just give you a few quick smooches and still make your heart flutter. I want the romance, the connection, and faith in knowing that this person will not want to leave my side, because they LOVE ME BACK. Somehow, someday, I'll find my John.

P.S. "Paperweight" by Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk is a great song from the movie!!!

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Numb. Scared. Empty.

So lately I have been feeling so much pain, that I've just become numb to everything. I can't get mad, sad, happy, excited. I just don't feel anymore. I would really like to be genuinely happy for once in my life. The last time I can remember that I was genuinely happy was back in April. I got a special visit from someone that is near and dear to my heart. Just a text from him would make me instantly smile.

At the same time, I've been screwed over by so many guys that it's hard for me to trust any of them. I know I should be more open, but it's just difficult once you've put your heart out there and it gets stomped on time and time again. I'm more scared to have an actual relationship. I haven't been in a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in over 2 years. I'm not sure I'd even know how to be a girlfriend. I'm really independent, so it's more difficult for me to think of this other person 24/7. I just want someone that shares the same need for passion. I need to feel wanted, loved, appreciated. I'm not asking for a lot. But I am asking for a little time and understanding.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Little Miss I'll Take Less

When I always give so much more....

I've always been one of those people that likes to give everything they have. I was taught to love and share. Sometimes I'm just too nice, or I hold on a tad too much. Is it so bad to want to be loved or have feelings/actions reciprocated? I'm the girl that will always be there for you in a jam. I'm the one that will sneak out of her house at 4am just to come get you. I'm the one that will put her feelings aside and help you out talking to another girl (that one is just because I'm stupid). I'm the one that will carve time out of my busy schedule just to see you, just to get stood up in the end. I'm the one that constantly thinks about you, just hoping that maybe I'm on your mind.

I think loyalty, trustworthiness, kindness are just a few traits that I look for in friends and guys. I consider myself a decent human being. I will be more than willing to help a person out. Lately I feel like I've been taken advantage of by several different people. I just want to be appreciated. I'm not saying that every time I do something good I get a gold medal or anything. It would just be nice to hear a simple thank you, or I love you, or you really mean a lot to me, every now and then. Cause one day I'm not going to be there. When I grow some balls, I won't be there every second, of every day just at your disposal. If I don't feel that you are reciprocating any effort into our relationship, there is a very good chance that I'll make a change. A change that excludes you from my life. I'm sick of taking less. I deserve more. Or at least I think I deserve more. I've had a difficult time with not feeling like enough. Not pretty enough. Not funny enough. Not smart enough. Not skinny enough. Not entertaining enough. I've just felt like I don't deserve to live a happily ever after life.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Footprints On The Heart

Do you ever have those people that seem to make a difference in your life? It could be good or bad. But for some reason, you want to keep the ones that keep hurting you? I've had a couple of these before, but none as hard to get away from than the one with my ex. I've grown strong throughout the past few years, so I can let go of someone if I can see that they are just using my relationship to their advantage, or just talking to me when it's convenient for them. For some reason, I just cannot let this boy go! We technically dated for about 3-4 months, but we've been doing this "dance" for the past 3 years. We will go months without talking and then all of a sudden I'll get a text from him because he was reminded of me. And then I'll text him randomly because I heard a song we used to like. It's mainly confusing because every time we leave each other (after hanging out), we leave it on very vague terms. Like we aren't together, but we can still talk to each other and do stuff together, it just won't be for awhile. I guess you could say that we've built a friendship, but does that really work? Can exes really be friends with each other afterward? But even some of the stuff that is sent back and forth, it's like flirty, not just any normal friend texting. I don't know, I guess this relationship just confuses me more than anything else. Sometimes I daydream about the past, or the could have been. But then I remember the reasons why he irritates me, and why we aren't together. It's a lose-lose thought process and I'm not sure why I do it. But I can't help it. I loved him dearly, and honestly I still care about him.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

DON'T TOUCH MY SHIT

So I have this thing where I don't like people touching or moving my stuff. Every single roommate that I've had, has done this. And EVERY SINGLE TIME it pisses me off! Seriously, is it really that bothersome that you have to literally move my shit ALL THE TIME!!!??? I don't do laundry all that often, so when I do, I have a lot. I had clothes in the dryer and in the washer, and I left for work for 3 hours and came home and both of my loads of laundry were in the dryer and dried. The problem with this is that the load I had in the washer was NOT supposed to go in the dryer!!!! Why? Why? WHY?! WTF. Who does this?! So just a warning: DON'T TOUCH MY SHIT!!!!! Or I will most likely flip the fuck out! Bitch.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Little Miss One Big Mess

I'm pretty sure most people can relate when I say that I have been one big hot mess before! Lately I've turned into a huge mess. I'm not sure what to do or how to handle it. This is also the year of the 21st birthdays, so I've been going out and getting pretty shitty at least once a weekend.

Last weekend was probably the worst. We had some friends over for a good time. Tried Jeremiah Weed Sweet Tea vodka for the first time. MY NEW FAVORITE DRINK! We also played Drunk Ball. It's a very tricky game, especially if you're the one that keeps winning. The goal of the game is to be the first team with your beers gone. This objective is not very favorable if you are the champion of drunk ball and have to work the next day!

So that leads off to the rest of my weekend. I worked 1-8 at Caribou on Saturday. It was absolutely horrible! I'm almost positive that I went into work still a little drunk. I had severely burnt my elbow the night before, and just kept burning my hands at work. Eventually I slammed my thumb into a cupboard and that is where I had had enough of that shitty day.  My shift supervisor, Nick, was being really nice. Helping me do thing, making processes easier. He checked on my thumb and at one point he awkwardly tried to comfort me by putting both of his arms on my shoulders (seeming to want to give me a hug, but not thinking that I'd be okay with it) and telling me that I'd be alright. And after I was all done counting down my drawer he came to check on me. He asked if I was going to be okay. It was really sweet, and I appreciated it very much! Although I nearly broke down into tears, but I just saved that for the car ride home instead. I'm not entirely sure how I ended up crying, but once I started, I couldn't get it to stop. I put in A Walk To Remember, so I'd have a legit reason to be crying. It didn't stop until like 2am. You could tell the next day, because my eyes were puffier than ever! Did a little retail therapy the next day to ease the pain.

So there you have it, I break down into one big mess for reasons I'm unaware of.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Little Miss Checkered Dress

I'm just going to use this one as an excuse to talk about my love/addiction to fashion!! Of course like any girl I have a love for clothes, makeup and SHOES!!! My weaknesses are dresses, shoes and Sephora. I will literally walk into Sephora for no reason and end up walking out with a purchase. I gravitate towards dresses of every kind, if I weren't so lazy, I'd wear them every single day!! I will also just go into DSW to just browse and see if they've gotten anything new in.

Lately I've gotten into the bad habit of buying (or at least window shopping) designer brands. Just this past Sunday I bought Vera Wang's "Lovestruck" perfume! Smells absolutely fabulous if y'all want to check it out! I went into the Puma store just to browse, but couldn't pass up the 30% off deal!!! And if my addiction to shoes wasn't clear before, I shall share my dream shoes with you.

Jimmy Choo's $1852.00

Soooooo sparkly!!!! If you could fall in love and marry an object, I'd marry these shoes! I also went into the new Vera Bradley store at MOA. Almost bought a lanyard, just so I could say that I owned Vera Bradley! THERE ARE SOOOOOO MANY DESIGNERS THAT I LOVE:

BETSEY JOHNSON

VERA WANG

PNINA TORNAI

ALEXANDER MCQUEEN

JIMMY CHOO

AND THE LIST GOES ON....

I'm a really big fan of bridal designers. If I could wear a wedding dress everyday I'd be so happy! All I want to do is be involved in the wedding industry! It'd make me ecstatic!! Although it's strange that I can't picture myself getting married. But I guess a few wise words from JLO would go "Those who don't wed, plan!" :) If you ever want to talk about weddings or designers, I'M THERE!!!

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are