Hopeless Romantic...Looking For Some Hope

I had an epiphany while I was just in the shower! I know, kind of strange place to have an epiphany...but it happened anyways. I always listen to music/sing while I'm in the shower. And lately I've been listening to this playlist of songs that are slow/sad/beautifully happy. Well anyways, they make you think. So I came to this realization that I'm ONLY 20 years old (that's right, my life isn't even a quarter over yet) and there is no reason why I should feel rushed to find this magical, fairytale-like love. In the meantime, I'm going to find people that have the kind of love that I'd like to find. I want to know their story. How they met, what made them fall in love, how they knew that this was the person that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with, etc. I want to record this information, heck maybe even make a book out of it one day. But I'll just take it one step at a time, see how this thing turns out. Even though I'm not in love, or have I ever had the kind of love that I want to find one day, it brings so much joy to my heart to see two people that do. I love to see other people in love, mostly because it gives me hope that one day I'll find someone that will make me feel that way. So if anyone knows of any couples out there that fit this sort of love, send them my way, cause I'd like to know their story!!

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye

I'm pretty sure that sex is on girls minds, just as much (if not more) as it is on guys minds. Honestly, I think about it a lot. And it also tends to be the topic of many conversations between my friends and I. I believe that sex can just be sex, just an act between two people satisfying a carnal need. But at the same time, I believe that sex can be this beautiful scene between two people, so passionately in love with each other. I've had it both ways, and honestly the second way is the best way. I keep running back to my ex, for sex, to be wanted, to be needed, to just share what we both had at one time. I do still have feelings for him, but I've realized until we both are willing to accept how we feel about each other, and until we're both willing to make adjustments and sacrifices for each other, we will never work out. But the one thing we knew how to do was "make love." As corny as that sounds!! I've been listening to Luke Bryan a lot lately and there is this one song that fits my situation perfectly, "Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye". 

All we do right is make love
We both know now that ain’t enough
Ain’t gonna beg you to stay
Ain't gotta ask you what's wrong
Ain’t no reason running after something already gone
Take off your leavin' dress
Let’s do what we do best
I guess everybody’s got their way of moving on
Girl rest your head one more time in my bed
Love me like you loved me when you loved me
And you didn’t have to try
Let’s lay down tonight
And kiss tomorrow goodbye

 

We can't talk our feelings out, so we just act on how we feel. And we've been doing this for about 3 years now, but I'm not sure I can do it much longer. I can't be the only one showing my emotions, I can't be the only one trying to share some love. All a girl really wants is to be loved back, and that's the truth. Which is why I've gone to other people, trying to get some attention, trying to get a little love. But all I ended up with was a little lovin ;) Not that it was a horrible situation, just not exactly what I want. 

 

My sister keeps telling me that I need to open up and keep an open mind when it comes to guys. I need to take away all of my standards and expectations, cause that may be holding me back from someone that could be right in front of me. I understand this, but at the same time I'm too scared to open up and let myself be vulnerable to someone like that. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to cry anymore. But I am trying...I'm trying to not be so closed off to people. I just think it all had to start with letting someone else go. You can't always get things to work out how you want them to. But that's the beauty of life, whenever something doesn't work out, life twists and turns and creates a whole new situation. One that may be better than you ever could've expected. So right now I'm just going to try to go with the flow and wait for my better ending. 

 

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are 

Sleepless Nights

Ever had those nights where you just can't seem to get to sleep? Or maybe you were finally getting to sleep and someone woke you up. Well tonight is just one of those nights where I had a hard time getting to sleep, so I put a little music on to try and lull myself to sleep. It worked. Temporarily. My heart was racing, my mind just wouldn't shut off, but music seems to have a positive effect on my sleep habits. Until I was so rudely awakened. Now I lie in my bed, with only 3 and a half more hours left to sleep, and I'm wide awake. They say don't go to bed angry, well I won't be able to sleep all night, cause I'm fucking angry. Pissed off, annoyed, hurt. Even when you think that one person will always be there for you no matter what, don't believe it. Something is going to fuck it up eventually. They'll screw up. You'll screw up. Some bitch will come in and screw it up. Might as well get used being alone and on your own, cause nobody is going to be there for you but yourself.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Keepin' It Country

I come from a small town of around 1,700 people. So I'm used to everyone knowing everyone, the countryside views, actually being able to see the stars at night, and small town gossip. I liked growing up in a small town, cause it was nice living in a close-knit community. It also makes me appreciate my family and all the opportunities that they have provided for me. I've been able to play whatever sport I wanted to play, be in whatever club I wanted to participate in. I danced at a studio for about 12 years, not something that you think a small town would have! I even became the Queen of our town, Miss Osseo 2007 :) I've been able to travel and see different communities, states (still working on the countries thing though). All of these things were made possible because of my parents and grandparents, etc.

I tend to daydream a lot. Mostly about different scenarios, and what sort of future I could possibly have. One thought that I think about sometimes is where I'm going to end up settling down. Will I end up in a big city, suburb, small town? And then I think about how I was raised...I think that raising a family in either a small town or suburb is a great idea. It's just the fact that I'm not going to be the only one to worry about my child. In a smaller community, it definitely is a community effort in raising kids. Everyone cares about other peoples well being. I want to be able to have kids knowing that my community is going to care what happens to them. A community that wants them to succeed and do well in their endeavors. Plus I've also pictured my perfect home quite a few times. Similar to The Notebook's final house, a house on the water, with a wrap around porch, but I'd like it to be really homey and decorated with all of those cheesy quote signs everywhere. Somewhere I can cuddle up on the porch swing with my husband, staring at the stars, while our kids are all safe and tucked in bed. So in conclusion, I want my life to be like a sappy romance movie. A girl can dream, dream as big as her heart and mind let her!

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Dear John

So I just got done watching Dear John, cause I'm a sappy McSappypants, and for like 75% of the movie I'm smiling and doing the little "AWWWWW's," then for the other 25% I'm thinking "Hey Savannah, why are you such a FUCKTARD!?" Like I understand it a little, but for the most part, why would you put your own happiness to the side, and ruin some guy's life, just to help out a sick friend with a kid?! How about you DON'T marry that other guy, but you still help him out and then take care of the kid later? That way, you and John can live happily ever after from the start! Then again, it wouldn't be a true romance if somebody didn't get their heart broken a few times along the way. Isn't that how it always goes? So in order to get my happily ever after I'm going to have to have my heart broken repeatedly until somebody comes to save me from it? Sounds like a whole lot of work just to find my Prince Charming.

Anyways, for the other 75% of the movie I was just thinking, "Hey, it sure would be nice to find somebody that loved me that much." I would like to love again, even better, I would like to be loved again. Always having this person on your mind. Putting a smile on your face every time you think of them (even without you knowing, those are the BEST ones!). Someone who notices the little things you do or say. Someone who you fall asleep with every night, holding you close, never wanting to let go (Although I'm not so much a cuddly sleeper. I like to cuddle, just not while I sleep). Someone who can kiss you so deeply and passionately at times that the whole world stops, yet at the same time they can just give you a few quick smooches and still make your heart flutter. I want the romance, the connection, and faith in knowing that this person will not want to leave my side, because they LOVE ME BACK. Somehow, someday, I'll find my John.

P.S. "Paperweight" by Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk is a great song from the movie!!!

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Numb. Scared. Empty.

So lately I have been feeling so much pain, that I've just become numb to everything. I can't get mad, sad, happy, excited. I just don't feel anymore. I would really like to be genuinely happy for once in my life. The last time I can remember that I was genuinely happy was back in April. I got a special visit from someone that is near and dear to my heart. Just a text from him would make me instantly smile.

At the same time, I've been screwed over by so many guys that it's hard for me to trust any of them. I know I should be more open, but it's just difficult once you've put your heart out there and it gets stomped on time and time again. I'm more scared to have an actual relationship. I haven't been in a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in over 2 years. I'm not sure I'd even know how to be a girlfriend. I'm really independent, so it's more difficult for me to think of this other person 24/7. I just want someone that shares the same need for passion. I need to feel wanted, loved, appreciated. I'm not asking for a lot. But I am asking for a little time and understanding.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are