Little Miss I Give Up

I give up. I give up on love. I give up on school. I give up on my future. I give up on a daily exercise and nutrition plan. Basically I've given up on myself. Lately I've just been run down (more like beaten down) and just don't give a shit. Like I wrote before, love isn't exactly on my radar these days. I've had trouble with guys that persistently pursue me and then just all of a sudden change their minds. This is only going to make me think that my personality sucks and I'm not worth the wait. School has been rough this whole past year. I started out my freshman year not knowing what the hell I wanted to do. Then I got into the College of Design my sophomore year and studied apparel design. Then in May I had a portfolio review to see if I'd make it into the actual major, just to find out I wasn't one of the lucky few to continue on. I basically avoided the whole subject because it would just bring me to tears EVERY single time I thought about it. So eventually I went to a career counselor and my adviser and have been trying to work some things out. I've gotten to the point where I need to research different careers that interest me. Problem: I'm a busy lady, I'm a tired lady, and I have NO CLUE what I'm interested in anymore!!! I've considered the following: Fashion design, graphic design, interior design, make-up artist/hair stylist, event planner (specifically bridal), florist, elementary teacher, pastry chef. The list goes on and on!! So how exactly am I going to make the right decision? How do I know I won't hate what I'm doing with the rest of my life?! I just keep second guessing myself! I used to know what I liked and what I didn't like, now I'm just a confused mess! I would really appreciate it if someone would just give me a direction to go in and be like okay, this is what you're going to to...because I said so. I'd be like, okay if you say so! I want to work out soooo badly!! Even if it's just for like 30-45 minutes on the elliptical. I just need to do something so I stop gaining so much weight! I used to be comfortable in my own skin. I used to love my body and my curves and everything that made me a woman. But lately I've grown to hate myself, how I look, and how I feel. I don't feel pretty, beautiful, sexy. All of the things that a woman should feel about herself when she looks in the mirror. I used to be so confident, but somehow it's been taken away. Comments that didn't used to phase me sting every single time. Like "You're eating again?!" Or even the slight poke of my love handles sets me into an emotional whirlwind. I've grown to be uncomfortable in my own skin, and it's everything that I wish I could change about how girls and women look at themselves. If I can barely look at myself in the mirror, how do I expect to tell other women that they can be comfortable looking the way that they look? I'm a hypocrite. I don't know what I want, who I want, where I want to be in the future. I don't know who I am anymore. I give up.
xoxo Little Miss Who You Are