Itching For Ink

So like most 18 year old kids, I got a tattoo shortly after my 18th birthday. Smoking wasn't really my thing, so I thought I'd try something I might actually like. A couple (painful) hours later, I ended up with a permanent scar. I got an outline of a heart with the word "Dream" written next to it. I danced for 12 years at a studio back home, so it was my main passion, hobby, love, etc. "Dream" was the title of the song for my senior solo that I performed at my final recitals. It's pretty much the last time I danced hardcore, and every time I think of it I have mixed emotions of sadness and happiness. Did I forget to mention that I got this tattoo on my left ribs. If you've never gotten a tattoo before, putting your first one where there are lots of bones is not the best idea. It hurt like a bitch! I wanted to pull my hair out, dig my nails deep into my palms, but I did NOT cry. That was my goal, no matter how much it hurt, I was NOT going to cry! Ever since then, I've been craving new ink. It is an addiction. And the worst part is that I cannot for the life of me remember what it felt like to be tattooed! I think that is the part that scares me the most. I've had several ideas floating around in my head about what I'd like to get done next. The only thing that stands in my way is money, time and commitment. I've always wanted to add onto the tattoo I already have cause it's so bare, and just an outline. I was thinking of possibly having some Pointe shoes dangling from the heart, in order to keep in with the dance theme. I've also wanted to get words written on my arm somewhere. "Who You Are" It's just a song (by Jessie J) and phrase that I want and try to live by every day, and I think permanently etching it into my skin would remind me of my goal. My best friend, Jake, and I have always loved peacock feathers. I mean, who doesn't? Peacocks are beautiful majestic creatures. So I kind of want to get a peacock feather to symbolize my friendship, and they always remind me of my grandparents out in Montana. They always have peacocks just hanging around the ranch.

These are just a few peacock feather tattoos that I've found online that I like. I'm a big fan of color and these are my favorite colors all in one place.

And since I'm such a sucker for symbolism and whatnot, I've been thinking of getting the sign for faith, charity and hope. Which is a combination of a cross, heart and anchor. 

It'd be something like this, but with a WAY cooler anchor! I really like the old antiquey look of some anchor tattoos. So these are just some things that have been on my mind lately, plus I could go for a little self inflicted pain right about now.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

The One That Got Away

Lately I've been listening to a lot of down home country, and one of those artists is Jake Owen. He's got a song called "The One That Got Away."

She was the one that got away

The one that wrecked my heart

I should've never let her go

I should've begged her to stay

She was the one that got away

I've decided that I haven't had a guy that's been "the one that got away." So I'm going to keep it that way. If anything, I'm going to be the girl that got away. One day they'll look back and see what they missed out on. I don't mean to sound cocky or full of myself, if anything it's confidence. I know that I'm beautiful, smart, funny and creative. I have learned to know my strengths, good traits, and the bad. Everyone should know all of the good things about themselves and embrace them! People nowadays seem to focus on all of the bad things about themselves. How they look, what they can't do, all of the negative things that could possibly go wrong. Why? Why focus on the bad things? Why would you want to bring yourself down? I've been trying to live my life differently lately. I'm trying to have a positive outlook on life, trying to see the good in everything. Instead of picking on all of the negative aspects about myself, I just see myself as a beautiful woman. Like Jessie J says in her song "Who You Are": I stare at my reflection in the mirror, Why am I doing this to myself? Losing my mind on a tiny error, I nearly left the real me on the shelf. Believe in yourself, you are beautiful in every single way, you just need to see what other people can. There are a lot of people out there with ugly souls, only caring about themselves and trying to get ahead in life. Live your life differently, be beautiful inside and out. Be the one that got away, don't worry, someday he'll regret his decision. And you'll be living your own love song with someone that deserves you. :)

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

God Gave Me You

"God Gave Me You" is a great song by Blake Shelton. Now most people would consider the person he's talking about to be a lover, but whenever I hear this song, I think of my sister.

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

And for when I think I lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it's true

God gave me you

I vaguely remember the day my sister was born, I was 2 (almost 3) and I came with my grandparents. That is literally all I remember of that day, but hey, I consider that a pretty good memory for being about 18 years old! I would only assume that I would've had mixed emotions about this brand new baby: Yay I got a little baby sister, WTF why isn't the attention on me anymore, who the crap is this kid, etc. Little did I know, that was one of the most awesome days of my life. I got to play the role of the older sister, getting her to do things she shouldn't/normally wouldn't, getting her in trouble, hugging and kissing her when the moment was right (usually when a camera was around!). When we were younger, we always used to fight. It wasn't until around my senior year/the summer after that we got to be really close. All I can say is that I wish this would've happened sooner, because she is AMAZING, and I love her so so soooooo much!!! I honestly didn't even know her very well until that point. It's a wonder what can be hidden behind closed doors. 

She is my rock, my inspiration, my everything. When I have news, or troubles, I go to her. I can tell her anything and everything and know that she will not judge me like everyone else would. She will love me unconditionally. She has been through many tough times so far. She's had a crazy ex boyfriend, she (to this very day) gets made fun of and teased at school, and dealt with many internal problems that most teenage girls face. But what makes me so proud of her is that she's been able to hold her head high through everything, giving a silent (and sometimes not so silent) fuck you to the people making their judgments. She is gorgeous, she is athletic (most likely playing college volleyball next year), she is smart, she is funny (in the way that she can laugh at herself, which just makes you love her more), and she has the biggest heart of anyone that I know! **So I'd just like to add a little side note to any and everyone that has ever had shit to say about her: you may know her name, but you sure as hell don't know her. If you did, you wouldn't be talking shit. Seriously, that bullshit is for petty middle schoolers with no lives. Grow up. She's going to go on to accomplish great things, and karma is going to come back and kick you right in the testicles.**

She may be my sister, but she's the best sister that I could've ever asked for! She's a friend, therapist, and comedian all in one. I honestly do not know what I would do without her. Life would suck more balls than it currently does (and that's pretty shitty giving my 2011 could possibly be the WORST YEAR EVER). I just want her to know how amazing she is!!! If I could, I'd scream it on the rooftops: MORGAN CHRISTINE PERRY IS ONE OF THE BEST FUCKING PEOPLE OUT THERE AND EVERYONE SHOULD LOVE HER!!!! LOVE HER LONG TIME!!! She will be turning 18 in less than a month, and that scares the crap out of me (can't imagine how my parents feel)! I remember when she used to play dress up with me, we even did a few make up sessions (which did NOT turn out well, mother should've known better than to let us have make up). I remember her little "fangs" that she used to have to wear. I remember her first Homecoming (my last). I remember her first boyfriend (thank God he's gone...sorry haha). I remember her getting her license (still holding the fact that she passed the first time over my head). I've missed a lot over the past years here at college, but that doesn't mean that it didn't crush me to miss it. But I was definitely there in spirit!! I'll always be your personal cheerleader (but remember, the only cheerleader I would ever be is a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, otherwise lets just call it a spirit motivator)!!

So Morgan, whenever you are doubting your abilities to do things or deal with things, just know that I believe in you. I believe that you can do anything you set your mind to! You have the capability to change the world and you don't even know it. Don't let anyone make you think you are anything less than what you are, which is spectacular! I love you so much!! I wish nothing more than to see you happy, in EVERYTHING you do. Never doubt yourself. (Also, I'm not the favorite. I guess it's a "tie", Mom even said so.) God gave me you :)

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride

I find it extremely odd that I obsess about everything to do with weddings, yet I absolutely cannot picture myself getting married. Don't get me wrong, I can tell you exactly what my wedding will look like, but at this point there is no groom in the picture. I've dabbled in several areas of the industry from apparel to floral design to cake making, and I've always told myself that if I were somehow involved in this industry, I would live a happy life. I would actually look forward to going to my job every single day because it was about a subject that intrigues me. But you can't exactly major in "weddings." IF ONLY! Last year I was an apparel design major, and my main goal was to become a bridal designer. I (and several other people) thought that would be the perfect career option for me. I could be as creative as I wanted, use my immense sewing skills, and be part of every bride's big day (the most important part in my opinion). My cousin and I have always wanted to make cakes, so we finally experimented with fondant and made this pretty baby blue fondant, chocolate cake. It was DELICIOUS!!! The fondant was marshmallow flavored and the cake was fantastic! We also made a cute little bow out of the fondant! And finally, I've been taking a floral class this semester. It all started out pretty awesome, getting to make and take floral arrangements home every week. But now it's just becoming a hassle to go to class and carry everything on the bus. The part of class I did enjoy was anything that had to do with making stuff for proms or weddings. All of the intricate work with wiring, taping and perfect placement, I just absolutely loved it! It's things like that, that make me feel like I belong in the wedding industry! Right now I'm seriously considering Retail Merchandising as a major, mostly because it'll get me out of this place in about 2 years rather than 4, but also because it's a business fashion degree that I can work with! It's also a little bit because one of my dream jobs would be to work at Kleinfeld's in New York!!!! So anyways, that was a little background on my interest in the industry.

I have my wedding all planned out, as crazy as it sounds. But you don't become a severe wedding enthusiast without picturing what your wedding will look like! I've got everything from the dress, flowers, bridesmaids dresses, decor, etc picked out (or at least visualized in my head). I get so excited when I think about weddings and that two people are joining in a union, such a sacred union. It's really beautiful to think about. Two people have found each other, they've made it through all of the obstacles and are still willing to put up with each other for the rest of their lives. Right now I'd just be thinking BALL AND FRIGGIN' CHAIN MAN!! (Anyone catch the She's the Man reference there?) I'm just not ready to be "tied down" to someone right now. I've realized there are so many things that I want to do with my life, travel, live in different states, see so many different things, that I'd just be dragging someone along with me while I realized all of my dreams. But I would appreciate it if many of my friends would start getting married so I can be in weddings, go to weddings, help plan weddings!!! JUST FULFILL MY WEDDING DREAMS ALREADY! But until the day that I say "I do" I'll just be enjoying my life, hopefully spreading joy to other people and their dreams.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are

Setting Your Own Expectations

Lately I've realized that I need to stop trying to be the person everyone else thinks I should be. All my life I've tried to do the very best, I've tried to accomplish it all, I just wanted to make people proud of me. At the time, these people were my parents, grandparents, family members. To this day, I try to make my parents proud, making decisions and doing things that they can feel proud to tell other people. I was hanging out with my parents and some of my parents friends one night and my mom's friend told me that my mother never has anything bad to say about me. I had mixed feelings about this. In a way, I'm glad that my mom is proud of me, but at the same time I feel like I should have disappointed them at some point. Now if I screw up, it's going to be harder to deal with. Cause I'm the good child, I get good grades, I attend the University of Minnesota, I rarely drink, I work in my spare time, it would be unspeakable for me to do anything out of the ordinary. I'm 20 years old, and I'm still worried about what my parents think about me and what they think I should be doing with my life. I depend on them to reassure me that I'm doing what I should do, that I'm living my life right. Part of me would love to be completely independent of my parents, but another part of me knows that I should lean on them as long as it's possible. One day they will let me go on my own, then I'll be completely in charge, making every decision for myself, but until then I just need to slowly work at gaining my independence. I have a job that I found myself, worked hard at, and eventually got promoted. My parents would prefer that I don't have a job while in school, but the extra money helps and I'm also learning valuable life lessons. I'm a shift supervisor at a Caribou Coffee, I'm learning more and more about independence, doing things on my own and realizing that I can actually do things by myself. That and the fact that I must be doing something right, cause they haven't fired me yet! I love my parents soooo much, and I appreciate everything that they do for me, but it's getting to the point of where I'm going to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life. I keep telling my mom that I don't want to be "stuck" here. She didn't like it so much when I used the word stuck. But that's exactly how I feel. If I were to get a job (an actual career) here, or even find someone that I liked, I wouldn't get to travel or live in different places like I plan on doing as of now. I want to move down south, travel the country, heck I'd love to even leave the states for awhile!! Which brings me to the second half of my "setting your own expectations" schpeel.

I am literally scared to death of finding someone that I might actually like, let alone someone that would like me back. I haven't been in a relationship in a very long time, I have absolutely no clue how to even go on a date, or act around guys at all. I've mostly been strung up on my ex. We broke up for obvious reasons, but I keep getting hung up on the "what if" and "what could've been." It's so hard to picture yourself in someones life, in someones future, and then realize that you will never be in that vision at all. We've been playing this game where we won't talk to each other for months, and then we'll start talking again. Then we'll see each other, have a good time, and then go back to not talking. At this point, that is the kind of "relationship" that I can handle. One that doesn't really exist. Although I'm having such a hard time with this idea. The idea that someone can be attracted to me, enjoy my company, but not want anything more than the occasional hang out. It makes me question everything. Am I not pretty enough? Am I not smart enough? Am I not funny enough? Am I not thin enough? Why am I not enough for him to actually want to be with me?! Recently I've come to the conclusion that I can't do this to myself. I am enough. I am more than enough. Hell, he will not find a girl that is a package quite like me: beautiful, smart, talented, bodacious. He is the one that isn't willing to realize his feelings, and he is the one that is willing to let me just walk out the door every single time. If he is stupid enough to let me go, then I have to be smart enough not to go back. I will find Mr. Right someday, but when that day comes, I'm not going to be worrying about being enough for him. I'm just gonna focus on being myself, and just letting myself laugh, love and live!

You have to learn to love yourself before anyone can learn to love you. You can't go around living life on someone elses expectations. You have to set your own goals, and figure out what exactly you're wanting out of life. Right now I'm not worrying about anyone else besides myself. Yes, might be a little selfish, but I can't help other people until I help myself. Once I get my stuff figured out, then I can go around sharing the love and joy that is inside me. :) Just remember, you ARE enough. Even when you don't think so, I KNOW so.

Xoxo Little Miss Who You Are